How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be
The Truth Behind Becoming
Most of us carry a quiet image in the back of our minds—an ideal self. That version of us who acts with courage, speaks with clarity, lives with purpose. But getting there isn’t just about setting goals or copying successful people. Real transformation begins deeper than that. It begins in truth—in confronting who we really are, with all the flaws and fears we’d rather not face.
Becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be isn’t about pretending to be better. It’s not performance. It’s about taking off the mask, facing the chaos around and within you, and choosing, over and over again, to move upward—to build something meaningful, even when it’s hard.
1. Start with Truth: The Foundation of Change
“You cannot connect with someone while wearing a mask.”
A lot of us live behind masks we’ve carefully crafted—identities meant to protect us or gain approval. Sometimes they work. But they come at a cost. They keep us from being known. And they keep us from growing.
If you want to begin the journey of becoming, start here:
Ask yourself, “What am I doing that I know is wrong, but I could fix?”
It’s not a pleasant question. It’ll probably make you uncomfortable. That’s the point. Because real change begins when you stop lying to yourself about what needs to change.
It doesn’t have to be some massive shift. Often, it’s in the smaller moments of truth-telling—admitting what you want, what hurts, what you’re afraid of—that the real self starts to emerge.
2. Understand the Role of Struggle
“We are built to walk uphill. When you reach the top, you must find a higher mountain.”
Somewhere along the way, many of us bought into a false story: that the goal of life is to make it easy. That with the right job, enough money, the right partner, things will finally be smooth. But fulfillment doesn’t live in ease. It lives in effort. In striving. In the work of becoming.
Life isn’t meant to be free of struggle. The climb is the point. You grow in resistance, not in comfort.
So if life feels hard, you’re not broken. You’re in motion. You’re alive.
3. Craft a Vision—and Aim at It
“Imagine who you could be—and then aim single-mindedly at that.”
Saying “I want to be better” is noble. But it’s not enough. You need to know who you’re becoming. Vague desires rarely lead to deep transformation.
Get specific.
What do you value?
What does your ideal day look like?
How do you treat others? How do you walk into a room? Who do you spend time with? What do you tolerate—and what do you no longer accept?
From that vision, start building.
Sign up for the course. Update your résumé. Ask for feedback. Wake up earlier. Track what you eat. Speak up. Go to therapy. Whatever it is—start.
4. Confront Your Inadequacies with Humility, Not Shame
“You must face your inadequacies, but in humility—not despair.”
Self-awareness is powerful—but only when it’s paired with the right posture.
There’s a difference between shame and responsibility.
Shame whispers, “You’re fundamentally broken.”
Responsibility says, “You’ve got things to fix—and you can.”
The second one gives you your agency back. It puts you in motion.
Start where you are. Clean your room. Apologize for the thing you’ve been avoiding. Fix your calendar. Organize your finances. These aren’t small acts. They’re foundations.
Shame says, I’m broken and unworthy.
Responsibility says, I have areas to improve, and I can.
The latter empowers. Begin with micro-improvements—clean your room, fix your posture, have the hard conversation, organize your calendar. These seemingly trivial actions snowball into transformation.
5. Pay for Your Privilege With Virtue
“The way you pay for your unearned privilege is with your virtue.”
We all carry both gifts and pain. Some things you inherited—your intelligence, your health, your looks, your opportunities. Others, you didn’t ask for—loss, trauma, hardship.
Whatever you’ve been given, the question is the same: What are you doing with it?
Don’t waste time in guilt or resentment. Use what you have. Use it well. Choose to build. Choose to serve. Choose to carry your strengths with humility—and your burdens with integrity.
That’s how you earn your place.
6. Balance Technology with Real Life
“Don’t flee into the virtual. We haven’t learned how to replicate reality.”
Technology is a tool. But if you’re not careful, it becomes a trap. Social media, dopamine hits, endless scrolling—it all gives the illusion of progress and connection, but it rarely feeds the soul.
What we need is reality. Real people. Real silence. Real failure. Real mess. Real moments.
Make time for things that don’t show up on a feed:
Dinner with your family. Long walks at night. Books that challenge you. Quiet mornings with no screen. Time alone. Time with friends. Time doing nothing—and letting it count.
7. Don’t Aim for Happiness—Aim for Meaning
“Aim to be good.”
Chasing happiness for its own sake doesn’t work. It’s too fragile. Too reactive. One hard day and it disappears.
Instead, aim to live with meaning. Choose values over vibes. Build something. Be useful. Be truthful. Help someone.
When you live with meaning, happiness comes—but it’s a byproduct, not the goal. Meaning sticks around even when the feelings fade.
8. Listen to Others—Help Without Overpowering
“You don’t know what’s best for them. Ask. Then listen.”
Want to help someone? Start by not assuming you know what they need.
The best kind of support isn’t giving advice—it’s creating space. It’s asking honest questions. It’s listening, patiently. It’s letting someone find their voice while knowing yours is steady in the background.
You don’t need to be a savior. Just be real. Be present. Let your life speak louder than your instructions.
Become the Adventure Itself
You don’t “arrive” at the person you want to be. That person is always just ahead, just out of reach—and that’s exactly how it should be.
Because this isn’t a checklist. It’s an unfolding. A process of becoming—not once, but continually. Becoming means movement. It means setbacks. It means growth that doesn’t always feel like growth.
But with truth, humility, responsibility, and a steady aim toward something higher—you become.
Not all at once. But day by day.
You’re not here to sleep through life.
You’re here to live—boldly, truthfully, beautifully.
A Personal Note from Me :
This article isn’t a lecture—it’s a reflection. I wrote it from my own perspective, inspired by a powerful podcast conversation with Dr. Jordan B. Peterson. His thoughts on truth, responsibility, and the idea of “becoming” stayed with me long after I listened. But this isn’t just a recap of what he said—these are thoughts I processed, wrestled with, and reshaped into something I believe in.
I want to be honest with you: the person I described in this article isn’t fully me—at least not yet. These words reflect who I want to be, not always who I am. But I believe in this version of myself deeply enough to set it as a goal. I wrote this as a compass to guide me, and maybe you too.
If you’d like to read this article in Persian or Turkish, leave a comment below and let me know. I’d love to share it in the language that speaks best to you.
—Alireza
The idea of this article is coming from :
Latest contents
